Friday, 1 June 2012


This will sound like its made up, or Eleanor does it just to be funny. But it really isn't. The thing is, she does this when she's ALONE, and a member of my family will happen to stumble upon it.
Harriet (my older sister) causally walked into the kitchen to find Eleanor arranging a tea towel on top of the toaster, with an sugar pot on top, and a knife next to it. Although Harriet should know the folly of asking Eleanor to explain herself by now, she asked anyway.
Apparently, if little people lived in the toaster, they would need protecting. And since Eleanor has a habit of getting caught up in her own fantasies, of course she would have to do something about defending these imaginary toaster people. Obviously then, covering up the toaster with a sturdy sugar pot/ tea towel combination is the best way to do this. The little toaster dwelling people however might get free, so obviously a knife would be essential as extra protection.
In some strange way, you can see how it must all make some kind of logical sense in that delusional little brain of hers.

Thursday, 12 April 2012


This isn't particularly exciting- just standard behaviour from Eleanor. She'll grab when you're in the middle of something important and rush you to a random place to 'show you something important' and it will be something like this...
Eleanor asked my mum to stand in my dining room, and look out the window while she performed 'Water Dance'. She then threw down a glue stick out of the window above. Then, after a suitable dramatic pause, threw down another glue stick. Then a cup of water bit by bit. After this, she ran downstairs and performed some kind of bizarre tap dance whilst making strange jabbing motions with a mop and a tennis racquet she had grabbed, then finished with a flourish and a bow. I can only presume the whole thing was some kind of avant- garde art piece.

Thursday, 16 February 2012


This is not a tale of amusement. Rather, one of horror.
At the tender age of 11, Eleanor received a teddy from her 'boyfriend', James*. Obviously, like any other little girl, Eleanor loved this teddy.
Until one day.
The day that Eleanor saw James holding hands with another girl on the playground. BETRAYAL.
Any normal little girl would've gone home, maybe cried a little and moved on. But imagine you are not a normal little girl. You are Eleanor. So of course, the only logical thing to do would be to take the beloved innocent little teddy... and shave it, cut of all its limbs and finally, decapitate it, placing its head on a spike as a message to all future boyfriends.

Look at that innocent smile... hiding the crazed lunatic that lurks within.
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the foolish people who cross Eleanor.

Sunday, 22 January 2012


There isn't much to this. One day I found a laminated photo of Margaret from The Apprentice in Ellie's school blazer. This one to be precise.

When I asked Ellie why on earth she had this, her answer was "I saw it and knew I had to have it with me always".

Sunday, 15 January 2012


I think this is my favourite weird thing Ellie has ever done.
One day my mum bought a bag of rice to eat with curry she was making. Ellie found this bag of rice and began carrying it around with her. She named it 'Ryan Rice-bag', and adopted it as her 'child'. Several hours later, my mum asked Ellie for the rice so she could cook it, however Ellie became so hysterical at the idea of her 'child' being cooked, that she walked to the shops and bought some more rice so Ryan would be spared. This was about 1 year ago, but Ellie still plays with Ryan, and in the summer will put him in a wheelbarrow and walk him around the garden and sing to him.

A word of advice, don't try to sit her down and explain that IT'S A BAG OF RICE, because she will shout at you and threaten that she will cut you off from seeing him.

Tuesday, 3 January 2012


This one is hard to explain. I'll try.
Ellie has an alter-ego called Chinese Girl- who likes to sing. Ellie will be singing a song, and then suddenly shout "CHINESE GIRL REMIX", put on a terrifying smile, starts doing a weird spinning dance and begin singing in a Chinese accent. She had a repertoire of about 6 six songs (mainly High School Musical songs, which is as horrifying as you can imagine), and is considering releasing a self- produced album called 'Chinese Girl: Greatest Hits'.

Wednesday, 28 December 2011


At about 11 o'clock one night, Eleanor walks into my room and presents me with this.

She had decided, for no apparent reason, to look up the length of a giraffe's tongue, and draw it for me, to scale.  She then stuck it up on my wall.

Thanks Eleanor. Thanks.